Married people who want to improve their physical and mental health should work on the quality of their marriage relationship. Drs. James House and Lois Verbrugge, researchers at the University of Michigan, postulate an unhappy marriage can play havoc on your health. 

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Their research found that people, in marriages not working, increase their chances of getting sick by 35 percent. They also claim the stress of marital conflict can affect the immune system and make us more susceptible to colds and other germ-related illnesses.

Although I am not sure how they validated this finding, they say an unhappy marriage can shorten your life by four years. Other researchers chime in with data that malfunctioning marriages increase the risk of depression, anxiety, domestic violence, high blood pressure, suicide, child abuse, psychosis, substance abuse and even heart problems. We have known for years and now warn divorcing persons to be extra careful, since the stress of the divorcing process increases the risk of accidents and illnesses.

On the other hand, Gottman and Associates from the University of Washington lift up the benefits of a good marriage. Their preliminary findings show that healthy relationships may keep you physically fit, because they built up your immune system.

Gottman tested the blood of 50 couples in his lab and discovered that couples who were satisfied with their marriage had stronger white blood cells, the immune system’s germ fighting army. Couples who were dissatisfied or even neutral had weaker white blood cells. The reality, as research shows, a fairly good marriage — There are no perfect ones — is beneficial to both people.

Happily married people have fewer visits to the doctor, less mood disorders, less emotional and psychological problems, actually make more money, and live longer than persons who divorce and persons in a dysfunctional marriage.

Another reason married people live healthier lives than single persons is the monitoring of each other’s health. All of us like to be strong, independent and self-sufficient. Instead of spending our hard-earned money on doctors, we’d rather ride out an ailment, ignore the chest pain or wait to see if the lump gets bigger. Our spouses usually cut through our procrastination and denial and insist we get the treatment we need. When you love someone, their health is just as important as your own health and monitoring each other’s self-care is a part of being married.

The quality of the relationship between two spouses also affects the health of the children of that couple. There is a fishbowl theory that applies here. If you take an adult male and adult female goldfish and put her into a goldfish bowl and later add baby fish, the water temperature is the same for the big fish as it is for the little ones. If the water heats up because mom and dad are at each other’s throats, the children feel the heat. If there is icy water in the bowl because mom and dad have distanced themselves from each other, don’t even talk or sleep in the same bed, the little fish shiver.

In Gottman’s study, the social scientists followed some children of gone sour marriages up until these children were 15 years of age. Compared with children of parents who rated their marriage satisfactory, these children had more difficulty in school (low or failing grades, truancy, and behavioral problems), depression and substance abuse.

Some marriage and family therapists believe children bond to the bond between their parents. When this bond is stable and children see love and respect back and forth between their parents, children are more apt to flourish and become successful. The best thing a mom and dad can do for their children is to maintain a positive and supportive spousal bond.

Here is a hint for couples who want to improve their own mental, spiritual, psychological, and physical health and the health of their children: Give up one of your days at the gym or fitness center and devote it to marriage maintenance!

Dr. Bill Mitcham is the Director/Therapist at The Marriage Maintenance Center in Davidson. Call him at 704-408-4187 or email at .

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