There are only two options here. Either I’m a cruel, unsympathetic father who makes his daughters suffer needlessly to build stoicism. Or I’m a compassionate yet realistic father who provides help and access to medical care when needed, but falls prey to neither malingering nor fake illnesses. 

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Clearly, I prefer the latter, though sometimes I wonder if my attempts to foster strength in my daughters sometimes go too far.

My oldest daughter began complaining of a sore throat on a recent Sunday night and again the next morning. Not bitter complaining, but unambiguous. Between a parent’s natural skepticism of his child’s Monday-morning complaints and my desire to instill toughness, I was in the process of forcing her to go to school when it occurred to me that, by now, she knows better than to try to fake me out with an imagined illness. It also dawned on me that she’s already developed a healthy pain tolerance (as long as there isn’t an audience). So, I consulted my wife, and she convinced me to take her to the doctor.

Strep throat was the diagnosis.

Please don’t label me a sadist immediately. If there are protruding bones, arterial bleeds or lack of respirations, I’ll call 911 faster than you can say Rampart General. But partially because I recall how easily I hoodwinked my mom with health complaints when I was a child, I have tended to consider with raised brow pleas of illness in my children. Apparently it is time I stopped. But my intentions have been honorable, and always with the best interest of my kids at heart.

I wonder, though, if there may have been a bit of that doctor avoidance complex we males are accused of having. After nearly 20 years as an EMT, I’ve seen enough “negative patient outcomes” that resulted from a delay in getting medical help, so you’d think I’d take my kids’ complaints a little more seriously. But, again, they’re not complaining of chest pain and shortness of breath; they’re telling me their stomachs hurt. Or they have earaches. Or, as happened just a moment ago while typing this sentence, they need a Band-Aid because a finger hurts.

But it’s time I took future complaints a little more seriously. Perhaps we should do this with all our children, barring evidence to the contrary. It’s important to teach them not to rely on the medicine cabinet or the doctor’s office for every little ache or boo-boo. But most kids are pretty stoic, and when they complain about pain or feeling significantly ill, we should take it seriously.

Our 7-year-old was going through a series of ear infections several years ago. One evening, she was lethargic and feverish, but never complained. We finally took her to the doctor only to discover that both eardrums had ruptured, which, as her physician pointed out, is pretty painful.

Lesson learned for Dad.

Joe Melton is the stay-at-home dad of two girls. He lives in the Lake Norman area. E-mail him at .

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